"Personalities of the Passion -- Peter, the one who denied Jesus"

BACKGROUND:
The story of Peter weaves its way through the whole passion narrative. Peter is best remembered in the Passion as the one who denied Jesus and fell away to the fringes of the crowds at the execution of Jesus. Peter, however, was also among those of Jesus’ inner circle, accompanying Jesus to the Mount of Transfiguration and to the Garden of Gethsemane. Peter is a key personality in all four gospels.

Tonight we hear Peter as an old man remembering his life, particularly the events of the crucifixion. Speaking for himself, Peter is remembers as he sat “afar off” from the cross as Jesus died. Peter?

“Oh my goodness. I don’t quite know what has happened to me. I don’t quite know how I got to this point. It’s a long story, to be sure, but something has happened to me, to have me be at this point. Standing a ways off from the cross where Jesus, the one I once called “the Messiah” is suffering and dying. And I, I didn’t have what it took to stand up for him. I didn’t even dare to say that I knew him.

I’ve been such a failure. I wish my name was still “Simon”.

Simon was my given name, you know. In fact, it was Simon bar-Jonah. Simon, son of John, the fisherman. And I was a fisherman too, until Jesus came along one day and called me to be his disciple. I hadn’t had a chance to be a real disciple since I wasn’t among the best of the best in my school days. But this Jesus, he gave me a second chance. He gave me the opportunity to be a follower of a great teacher. So, there at the lakeshore, I left my father and with my brother joined up with Jesus as a follower, a disciple.

We had some amazing adventures while I was “Simon”. We saw some healings. We heard some great teaching. We, the disciples, up to a dozen by then, saw Jesus’ power even over nature. In fact, one time I was able to walk on the surface of the lake because of Jesus. Well, yes, I lost faith and almost drown too, but that was nothing compared to what’s going on now. I wish I could do that all over again. I wish I could do this all over again too, oh do I wish….

But where was I. Oh, about my name. Jesus seemed to really love us. He let us in on some of the mysteries of the scriptures. And slowly, gradually, it began to dawn on me. He was the long-awaited Messiah. And I told him so too.

I told him, well Jesus asked us all (the twelve, I mean) a question, “Who do people say that I am?” The others fiddled around a bit, looking at their feet, vaguely taking about Elijah or another prophet. I’d had enough of these word games so, I said it straight. We all knew it really. “You are the Messiah,” I said, “the Son of the living God.” And that’s when he changed my name. Said I should be called Peter, not Simon. Peter means ‘rock’, so I guess he thought I was really strong. He implied I’d be the anchor of his church, whatever that is.

I don’t feel strong now; far from it. I think I’d rather be called Simon again.

You see, it was pretty easy to be Peter (the rock) when things were going good.

Even then I had a few slips, like the time Jesus called me “satan” because I was scolding him about talking about his death, something I didn’t understand at all. But mostly, I was in the inner circle. I got to do some things that rest of the twelve didn’t get to do.

But then, the closer we got to Jerusalem, the more difficult things became. I couldn’t understand why Jesus kept on going to Jerusalem, but he insisted that he must do so. So, one day I made a promise. One day when Jesus was asking us about how far we could go with him, I swore that I would never let him down. I was feeling pretty proud and I could boast of my own resolve. I swore that I’d stick by him. I said that even if it meant dying with him, I’d be by his side. That was Peter, the Rock, talking for sure. That was my bloated up pride.

The fact of the matter is, I couldn’t and didn’t keep that promise. When things got really tough, my fears crept in. I realized that no amount of pride or boastfulness could help me get out of this. I was afraid, really afraid. I had to protect myself. Turned out, I couldn’t even stick by his side for a few minutes when things got really difficult, when he got arrested, when he got put on trial, when he got sentenced to death. I couldn’t keep my promise for even a few minutes.

You see, I’d fallen into satan’s trap by putting my trust in myself rather than in my God. I thought I could handle it on my own. Oh, I went with him. But I kept my distance. I kept a safe distance to see what was happening. I don’t know what I was thinking, perhaps I could rescue him. I don’t know.

It was in the courtyard where things got really sour for me. I slipped in with crowd. It wasn’t hard to not be recognized with so many people mingling about. And it was dark.

Then things went all wrong. As we warmed ourselves around braziers, someone just said … (and it was only a servant girl) … “aren’t you one of his followers”. And somehow I just crumbled. And when it got repeated, I started denying that I ever even knew Jesus. I denied knowing him to three different people. I denied that I had ever been associated with him.

Then somewhere … a cock started crowing.

Immediately I remembered something Jesus said … just last night. I remembered him saying that I would deny him three times before cock crow. And from there in the courtyard, I could just see Jesus – and he turned … and looked. It hit me like … like … I don’t know what. But my eyes filled, and my heart felt so very heavy, and I had to go. I’d failed.

I had been no “Rock” at all. I was really Simon. I wish I was just Simon. But I can’t change any of that.

All I can do is stand a ways off and watch. Watch him suffer. Watch him die. There is absolutely nothing I can do to rescue him.

Oh, my goodness. Jesus. I do know you. You are the Messiah. You are the Son of God. I can see that fear hasn’t ruled your life. I see what faithfulness means.

But it is much too late for me to say that now. It’s all too late.”