A tightrope walker will tell y0u that the main ingredient in making it from one end of that wire to the other is balance. You can have the neatest costume. You can have the most radiant smile. You can produce the best "show" on earth. But take away balance and you'll find yourself heading no where but down.
Sometimes I have the feeling during this time of the year that everything is out of balance. There just doesn't seem to be enough time or energy to focus on and take care of the things that really matter. There just doesn't seem to be the right balance between doing and being, preparing and being ready, taking care of the outside distractions and tending to the work of having a spot in my heart for Jesus.
At the same time, Jesus is the individual who is the best example of balance. From the words that he spoke to the ways in which he inter-acted with people, Jesus was always seeking balance. When he had the face the Pharisees, Jesus had the right balance of words and tone to make the point. When the disciples were clamoring to get the best place at the feet of Jesus, Jesus had words about "being servants first." You see, Jesus was showing in these (and other) aspects of his ministry that it is important to have a natural balance in life. To say it another way, God and humans are made to work together. God created humans and life to have a natural harmony that brings a sense of completeness, joy and well-being to this thing we call life and this journey we call living.
However, it doesn't always work out that way. I can attest to that. You probably can too. Sometimes it just seems impossible to find that right balance. And, just when we think we've got it, something happens to throw everything off. The result, for many of us, is that we don't see this "something" as a gift. It is more like another distraction and we might respond in a variety of ways: internalizing anger, ranting and raving, or pouting and hiding in a corner. Of course, all of those strategies compound our sense of being "out of balance".
So, is there a solution? Is there a way to find this balance that makes life work. Well, I think so.
It begins by asking God and yourself for a little bit more:
...more patience, more understanding, more forgiveness, more willingness to let go and "let God", more attempts to find God's way in what we are doing, more alertness to the many ways in which God is seeking to speak to us, more openness to God's presence in the here-and-now, more trust in Jesus, more moments for prayer, more generosity, more moments to just stop and say "thank you" for the abundance God has given us.
It continues by recognizing that there are some areas where we could do with a whole lot less:
...less anger, less jealousy, less worry about most things, less feelings of self-pity, less being distracted by distraction, less business, less trying to suck it up and do it on our own.
A little bit more and a little bit less, that's the way we can move toward the balance we were created for. That the way to begin to find the joy God intends for us. That's the place where we can begin to find the full meaning of the power and promise, leading and guiding of the God who gives full meaning to life.
T. O. M.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
"'No Calorie' Jesus!!"
This is my "Christ the King Sunday" sermon. Again, I was asked by several to have it available. I'm so glad to be able to share it with you.
“'NO CALORIE 'JESUS!!”
The Reading is Colossians 1: 17 - 20
Some of us take our calories seriously. If we’re on a diet, watching our intake or just being as healthy as we can be, some of us take those calories seriously. Lo Cal, no cal, fat free, sugar substitutes, natural fats and the like. I don’t know how you are in this regard, but for me, I want all the taste, all the richness, as much body as possible, with none of the calories. I want the most for the least.
Today we arrive at the end of our church year cycle. We come to this point with this day called “Christ is King”. The bridge between the long season of Pentecost – which has to do with the life of the church, and Advent – a time of expectation for the coming King.
Today is a time for us to focus and reflect on the real Jesus. It is a time for us to ponder what kind of Jesus we believe in. It a time to dig into what it might really mean to say, and act, like, “Christ is King.” It is a day to take a look to be sure we don’t treat Jesus like we treat our low/no calorie food options. Paul’s letter to the Colossians gives us a framework for considering the Jesus we claim to believe in.
You see, we have a tendency to want the same Jesus we desire in our food. We tend to want all of the taste and note of the calories. We tend to love the concept of Jesus, but not the impact that Jesus might make on our lives. We tend to be attracted to being a fan of Jesus, but we don’t want to be a follower. We want Jesus to save our souls, but to leave our daily lives alone. We want to be part of Jesus’ family but we aren’t so quick to take seriously what Jesus has to say about discipleship, generosity, loving our neighbors or His priority in our lives.
But, to think of Jesus like that is as misdirected as over eating accompanied by a diet drink. Or a Starbucks with skim milk to make room for the mocha and whipped ream.
When it comes to faith we can’t check off the “saved” box and then not take a look at our lives. We can’t be saved and stay the same. “We are a New” Creation, Paul says. In Colossians he says, “He has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom. (Vs. 13). That means that we are different. We are changed. Not just forgiven and given a fresh start to keep doing things the same old way. But changed. Part of a new way of living. Part of a community that makes different choices, spiritual choices, ethical choices, God choices rather than the same old shortcuts and life by worldly values. Being in this new community means that we are challenged to look more and more like Jesus, rather than just bearing his name.
As you know, the big headlines this week had do with Prince William and Kate Middleton becoming engaged. It took lots of press. Some of the press of course has to do with whether or not Kate – a commoner, a classy commoner to be sure – can make the move to “look like” what a Princess of England must look like. Can she make the transfer to Princess Catherine Elizabeth? Questions like, “Can she face the press?” “Can she live up to the public scrutiny?” “Can she handle herself like a Princess?” “Will she look like, act like and be like the ‘royal family’?” Such stuff makes great press and gives room for much speculation. On the other hand, it can be a serious question.
Certainly it is a question we can ask our selves, our faith. Given that we are “commoners”, we say “sinners”, who have been by our baptism “transferred into the Kingdom”, elevated to brothers and sisters of the King and made heirs in this Royal Family what might the press say about our move. Have we made the jump? Is our place now full bore, or are we still looking for that “no calorie Jesus”, great for the taste, but we don’t want those calories to stick to us. All of the gifts, but none of it really taking root. Not just an additive to things once in a while, but also a reality
Paul gets at that to, in these introductory words to the church at Colossae. There are plenty of images, metaphors and superlative language to make the point. In this new place, as new people, as subjects of the king, Jesus offers “all the strength” that comes from his power (vs. 11). There is nothing that God wants us to take on alone. There is nothing that Jesus doesn’t want us to be part of. Jesus is nosey in that way. Every thought, every insecurity, every goal, every aspect of who we are. Jesus wants to be the entire concept behind our lives.
That can't take us back to the Prince William image. Yes, we have plenty of fascination with this whole story. We will love the great wedding. We’ll talk about the Prince, and eventually the King, probably. But the fact is, we wont’ have to live under this king. What I mean is it is easy to talk about a King, if that King doesn’t have any power over us. It is easy to talk about a king, if our “queen ego, Prince, selfishness, princess, I love my freedom” can still be in charge.
You see, at this point, Jesus is no lo calorie Jesus. Jesus is no additive. Jesus is no trend, fad or flash in the pan. Jesus is not a King that we can just admire and pay lip service to.
Jesus is “first place in everything” (vs. 13). Starting with creation, the first born of creation (vs. 15), the first from the dead. From before time, eternal Jesus had his passion and love and creating and dominion over every aspect of this universe. From eternity past, through 2000 years of history, Jesus has demonstrated staying power, reshaping souls. The full bore, calories enriched, protein added Jesus has been changing lives so people can help change the world.
You see, as for the priority of the created order Jesus is the head that holds it all together. Jesus is the fullness. Jesus is first place in everything. “Everything” here, as in the Greek, means everything. It means that the only thing that Jesus doesn’t care about is nothing. Jesus is everything, fullness, and completeness.
That means in very simple terms that we can’t take out our priority list and ask, "Where can I fit Jesus in"? There is only one place for this king Jesus. That’s first place. There is only one place for Jesus sin our life. That everywhere. There is only one place where Jesus is pleased to work, in everything!
To become effective servants for God, we must let go of our self-righteousness that says, "I know what is right," our self-will that claims, "I know what is best for me," and our self-centeredness that declares, "What I want is most important."
You see, this King Jesus, is no “lo cal”, “fat free” diet King. This Jesus is full bore. Jesus is “fullness”. Jesus is the one come from heaven to enter our lives and “stick with us” – stick to our bones, stick in our lives, hold first place with us.
Jesus is king.
God, send your Spirit to empower us to live under His Kingship and people who have made the move to the “kingdom life”, the Kingdom place, under the head, from whence comes all good and gracious things.
Amen.
“'NO CALORIE 'JESUS!!”
The Reading is Colossians 1: 17 - 20
Some of us take our calories seriously. If we’re on a diet, watching our intake or just being as healthy as we can be, some of us take those calories seriously. Lo Cal, no cal, fat free, sugar substitutes, natural fats and the like. I don’t know how you are in this regard, but for me, I want all the taste, all the richness, as much body as possible, with none of the calories. I want the most for the least.
Today we arrive at the end of our church year cycle. We come to this point with this day called “Christ is King”. The bridge between the long season of Pentecost – which has to do with the life of the church, and Advent – a time of expectation for the coming King.
Today is a time for us to focus and reflect on the real Jesus. It is a time for us to ponder what kind of Jesus we believe in. It a time to dig into what it might really mean to say, and act, like, “Christ is King.” It is a day to take a look to be sure we don’t treat Jesus like we treat our low/no calorie food options. Paul’s letter to the Colossians gives us a framework for considering the Jesus we claim to believe in.
You see, we have a tendency to want the same Jesus we desire in our food. We tend to want all of the taste and note of the calories. We tend to love the concept of Jesus, but not the impact that Jesus might make on our lives. We tend to be attracted to being a fan of Jesus, but we don’t want to be a follower. We want Jesus to save our souls, but to leave our daily lives alone. We want to be part of Jesus’ family but we aren’t so quick to take seriously what Jesus has to say about discipleship, generosity, loving our neighbors or His priority in our lives.
But, to think of Jesus like that is as misdirected as over eating accompanied by a diet drink. Or a Starbucks with skim milk to make room for the mocha and whipped ream.
When it comes to faith we can’t check off the “saved” box and then not take a look at our lives. We can’t be saved and stay the same. “We are a New” Creation, Paul says. In Colossians he says, “He has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom. (Vs. 13). That means that we are different. We are changed. Not just forgiven and given a fresh start to keep doing things the same old way. But changed. Part of a new way of living. Part of a community that makes different choices, spiritual choices, ethical choices, God choices rather than the same old shortcuts and life by worldly values. Being in this new community means that we are challenged to look more and more like Jesus, rather than just bearing his name.
As you know, the big headlines this week had do with Prince William and Kate Middleton becoming engaged. It took lots of press. Some of the press of course has to do with whether or not Kate – a commoner, a classy commoner to be sure – can make the move to “look like” what a Princess of England must look like. Can she make the transfer to Princess Catherine Elizabeth? Questions like, “Can she face the press?” “Can she live up to the public scrutiny?” “Can she handle herself like a Princess?” “Will she look like, act like and be like the ‘royal family’?” Such stuff makes great press and gives room for much speculation. On the other hand, it can be a serious question.
Certainly it is a question we can ask our selves, our faith. Given that we are “commoners”, we say “sinners”, who have been by our baptism “transferred into the Kingdom”, elevated to brothers and sisters of the King and made heirs in this Royal Family what might the press say about our move. Have we made the jump? Is our place now full bore, or are we still looking for that “no calorie Jesus”, great for the taste, but we don’t want those calories to stick to us. All of the gifts, but none of it really taking root. Not just an additive to things once in a while, but also a reality
Paul gets at that to, in these introductory words to the church at Colossae. There are plenty of images, metaphors and superlative language to make the point. In this new place, as new people, as subjects of the king, Jesus offers “all the strength” that comes from his power (vs. 11). There is nothing that God wants us to take on alone. There is nothing that Jesus doesn’t want us to be part of. Jesus is nosey in that way. Every thought, every insecurity, every goal, every aspect of who we are. Jesus wants to be the entire concept behind our lives.
That can't take us back to the Prince William image. Yes, we have plenty of fascination with this whole story. We will love the great wedding. We’ll talk about the Prince, and eventually the King, probably. But the fact is, we wont’ have to live under this king. What I mean is it is easy to talk about a King, if that King doesn’t have any power over us. It is easy to talk about a king, if our “queen ego, Prince, selfishness, princess, I love my freedom” can still be in charge.
You see, at this point, Jesus is no lo calorie Jesus. Jesus is no additive. Jesus is no trend, fad or flash in the pan. Jesus is not a King that we can just admire and pay lip service to.
Jesus is “first place in everything” (vs. 13). Starting with creation, the first born of creation (vs. 15), the first from the dead. From before time, eternal Jesus had his passion and love and creating and dominion over every aspect of this universe. From eternity past, through 2000 years of history, Jesus has demonstrated staying power, reshaping souls. The full bore, calories enriched, protein added Jesus has been changing lives so people can help change the world.
You see, as for the priority of the created order Jesus is the head that holds it all together. Jesus is the fullness. Jesus is first place in everything. “Everything” here, as in the Greek, means everything. It means that the only thing that Jesus doesn’t care about is nothing. Jesus is everything, fullness, and completeness.
That means in very simple terms that we can’t take out our priority list and ask, "Where can I fit Jesus in"? There is only one place for this king Jesus. That’s first place. There is only one place for Jesus sin our life. That everywhere. There is only one place where Jesus is pleased to work, in everything!
To become effective servants for God, we must let go of our self-righteousness that says, "I know what is right," our self-will that claims, "I know what is best for me," and our self-centeredness that declares, "What I want is most important."
You see, this King Jesus, is no “lo cal”, “fat free” diet King. This Jesus is full bore. Jesus is “fullness”. Jesus is the one come from heaven to enter our lives and “stick with us” – stick to our bones, stick in our lives, hold first place with us.
Jesus is king.
God, send your Spirit to empower us to live under His Kingship and people who have made the move to the “kingdom life”, the Kingdom place, under the head, from whence comes all good and gracious things.
Amen.
Monday, November 15, 2010
December, 2010 Sketchings:
“JESUS IS COMING? NO! HE’S ALREADY HERE!!”
The Advent sign appeared in the churchyard about a week before Thanksgiving. It was a simple, hand-lettered sign that read, “Get ready. Jesus is coming!” It was simple, clear and to the point.
My initial reaction was something like, “That’s cool!!” But after a bit, the message struck me as quite odd. Somehow it felt like my mother saying, “Tom, clean up your room, your Grandma is coming.” Or maybe more like, “Get ready! Get cleaned up. Get your hands and face washed, our special guests are due at anytime.”
I think what struck me as odd was the subtle sense that Jesus isn’t already here. It seemed more like Jesus is coming for a short visit, but he isn’t going to stay very long so don’t get too excited. It gave me the sense that I only have to get my life “ready” for a little while at the end of the calendar year to celebrate the birth (coming) of Jesus but Jesus might not have to do much with any of the rest of my life.
Now, in defense of the churchyard sign, Advent is about preparation. It is about getting ready. It is about Jesus coming. It is about taking a look at our lives and making some assessments about our readiness for Jesus to come, as promised, in final Glory.
But Advent is not about the sense that Jesus is just coming for a short visit. It isn’t about being ready for the time while Jesus is here before he disappears “back home” where I don’t have to worry about his presence until next year about this time.
You know the truth. Jesus is always here. AND Jesus is always coming. It’s an interesting contradiction in our faith.
Jesus came once! He came to visit this earth. He came to accomplish his mission and ministry, not in the miracle of his birth, but in the miracle of his death and resurrection. And once he came, he stayed! He is still here in the spiritual presence through his Holy Spirit. Jesus has come. He is already among us.
At the same time Jesus is always coming. Jesus is always showing up in our lives in ways that make his presence even more real and profound. Jesus is always arriving with the challenges of His call to mission and ministry, with the abundance of His blessings and mercy and with messages of hope and power for our every day lives. Jesus is always showing up in our lives through other people, through the power of nature, through the silence of our devotions or in the words of a song that flits through our consciousness. Jesus is always showing up and if we haven’t done at least a little bit to clean out the cobwebs of our spiritual house we will probably miss Him.
What I’m trying to say is this: Advent (which means coming) is an on-going process. It is a daily process. This “getting ready” business isn’t just about 20 some days before Christmas. It is really more like a “being ready” process for every moment of every day.
T. O. M.
The Advent sign appeared in the churchyard about a week before Thanksgiving. It was a simple, hand-lettered sign that read, “Get ready. Jesus is coming!” It was simple, clear and to the point.
My initial reaction was something like, “That’s cool!!” But after a bit, the message struck me as quite odd. Somehow it felt like my mother saying, “Tom, clean up your room, your Grandma is coming.” Or maybe more like, “Get ready! Get cleaned up. Get your hands and face washed, our special guests are due at anytime.”
I think what struck me as odd was the subtle sense that Jesus isn’t already here. It seemed more like Jesus is coming for a short visit, but he isn’t going to stay very long so don’t get too excited. It gave me the sense that I only have to get my life “ready” for a little while at the end of the calendar year to celebrate the birth (coming) of Jesus but Jesus might not have to do much with any of the rest of my life.
Now, in defense of the churchyard sign, Advent is about preparation. It is about getting ready. It is about Jesus coming. It is about taking a look at our lives and making some assessments about our readiness for Jesus to come, as promised, in final Glory.
But Advent is not about the sense that Jesus is just coming for a short visit. It isn’t about being ready for the time while Jesus is here before he disappears “back home” where I don’t have to worry about his presence until next year about this time.
You know the truth. Jesus is always here. AND Jesus is always coming. It’s an interesting contradiction in our faith.
Jesus came once! He came to visit this earth. He came to accomplish his mission and ministry, not in the miracle of his birth, but in the miracle of his death and resurrection. And once he came, he stayed! He is still here in the spiritual presence through his Holy Spirit. Jesus has come. He is already among us.
At the same time Jesus is always coming. Jesus is always showing up in our lives in ways that make his presence even more real and profound. Jesus is always arriving with the challenges of His call to mission and ministry, with the abundance of His blessings and mercy and with messages of hope and power for our every day lives. Jesus is always showing up in our lives through other people, through the power of nature, through the silence of our devotions or in the words of a song that flits through our consciousness. Jesus is always showing up and if we haven’t done at least a little bit to clean out the cobwebs of our spiritual house we will probably miss Him.
What I’m trying to say is this: Advent (which means coming) is an on-going process. It is a daily process. This “getting ready” business isn’t just about 20 some days before Christmas. It is really more like a “being ready” process for every moment of every day.
T. O. M.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Loving Jesus and Loving His Bride--the Church:
A while ago, I was recalling an event in which a person found that as much as they loved their best friend, they couldn't stand that friend's spouse. The negative feelings for the spouse tended to grow, multiply and eventually eroded and destroyed the friendship.
The principle is this: "Love for a friend extends to the spouse."
Maybe you have or know a situation like that. Your love for your friend is the love that overcomes any shortcomings of their spouse. Because I love my friend, I am willing to overlook and let go the rough edges of their spouse. My love for my friend moves to include his/her spouse. Or maybe it went the opposite direction, the love for the friend just couldn't overcome the negative feelings one had for the spouse. No doubt the friendship eroded.
Today, one hears pretty often, "I love Jesus, but I can't stand His church." Or, "I love Jesus, but I'm not going to have anything to do with church." Or even as crassly as this (from a recent obituary) "She loved the Lord, but she didn't need the church to prove it."
There is a problem here. The Church is the "bride" of Jesus. (cf. Revelation 21:9) The problem here is that it is impossible to love Jesus and not extend affection (if not love) to His bride, the church. If one tries to go along that road long enough, the relationship with Jesus will erode to nothing because one hasn't moved past their feelings about Jesus' bride.
The truth is, of course, that the church isn't perfect. No congregation, no individual, no denomination of the church is perfect. There are people involved. And where people are involved, there are plenty of rough edges, bad habits and grating personalities to give us reason to dislike the church.
On the other hand, by it's very nature loving Jesus almost demands that we love and find affection to include his Bride for who she is. It pushes us to look past the imperfections and the flaws to enjoy, value and find affection for what is good and right, for no other reason than that we have deep love for the church's mate, Jesus.
So, if you're in this boat of loving Jesus but not being enamored with His bride, I hope you'll take another look. I pray you'll find a way to forgive the imperfections of the bride, to look past the flaws and imperfections of people to enter into a new relationship with Christ's church.
I trust that you'll recognize that the church is the only Bride Jesus has and the only one He ever will have. In turn, in order to fully love and accept Jesus is to find a way to include his bride, the Church in your life.
The principle is this: "Love for a friend extends to the spouse."
Maybe you have or know a situation like that. Your love for your friend is the love that overcomes any shortcomings of their spouse. Because I love my friend, I am willing to overlook and let go the rough edges of their spouse. My love for my friend moves to include his/her spouse. Or maybe it went the opposite direction, the love for the friend just couldn't overcome the negative feelings one had for the spouse. No doubt the friendship eroded.
Today, one hears pretty often, "I love Jesus, but I can't stand His church." Or, "I love Jesus, but I'm not going to have anything to do with church." Or even as crassly as this (from a recent obituary) "She loved the Lord, but she didn't need the church to prove it."
There is a problem here. The Church is the "bride" of Jesus. (cf. Revelation 21:9) The problem here is that it is impossible to love Jesus and not extend affection (if not love) to His bride, the church. If one tries to go along that road long enough, the relationship with Jesus will erode to nothing because one hasn't moved past their feelings about Jesus' bride.
The truth is, of course, that the church isn't perfect. No congregation, no individual, no denomination of the church is perfect. There are people involved. And where people are involved, there are plenty of rough edges, bad habits and grating personalities to give us reason to dislike the church.
On the other hand, by it's very nature loving Jesus almost demands that we love and find affection to include his Bride for who she is. It pushes us to look past the imperfections and the flaws to enjoy, value and find affection for what is good and right, for no other reason than that we have deep love for the church's mate, Jesus.
So, if you're in this boat of loving Jesus but not being enamored with His bride, I hope you'll take another look. I pray you'll find a way to forgive the imperfections of the bride, to look past the flaws and imperfections of people to enter into a new relationship with Christ's church.
I trust that you'll recognize that the church is the only Bride Jesus has and the only one He ever will have. In turn, in order to fully love and accept Jesus is to find a way to include his bride, the Church in your life.
Some Thoughts on Grieving
Grief is our normal, human response to changes and losses in our lives. Every time we move from something precious and wonderful into a new unknown in life, we experience grief. Nearly every change that comes in our lives brings a sense of grief. Death brings grief.
Grief is our sense of emptiness and our uncertainties about the future. Grief is our sense of being out of control and having to make sense of something so much bigger than we. Grief is our emotional response to emotional hurt.
The thing about grief is that it has to be worked through. Grief can't be stuffed and forgotten about. Grief can't be set aside and ignored. Grief must be worked through, fully completely, every time, or it will come back to haunt us.
You see, every time we have a new event in our lives that has the emotional response of grief, we are taken back through all the other grief events in our lives. And if, for whatever reason, we have not fully processed the grief an earlier event, or events, those griefs come back up. Not only do they come back up, the grief response is compounded. Unresolved grief compounds unresolved grief. This is the reason that someone may have what appears to be a quite exaggerated grief response to something that seems relatively minor -- or would have been relatively minor under other circumstances. This is the reason why one might be observed to have an wildly emotional response to a minor event. Sometimes, the emotional response might even be triggered by an event in the life of another person whose situation is similar to ours.
I know in my own life and ministry that I don't recoup from funerals as quickly as I once did. The grief work takes longer. It is sometimes deeper that what might seem reasonable. But it takes longer because each time I'm grieving not only the present situation but parts of all the other funerals I've ever officiated at, plus the other losses, changes and grief events I've ever experienced.
We must deal with our grief, or it keeps on nagging at us. We must clear our emotions and our bodies of the "toxic" stuff set off by grief (or personal hurts, emotional insults, deep rejections and the like, for that matter) or they will compound our emotional response to the next similar event in our lives.
So, "what can I do?", you might ask. Well, you can take a look at past events and ask if you've really processed them or grieved them. You can think about your last emotional response to an event that really had an effect on you. Was your response exaggerated given the nature of the event? If so, what other similar events, feelings and/or griefs come to mind? Were they fully processed? If not, can they be processed now, in light of this event/situation? Are there things one has to go back to, re-live, re-feel, re-grieve in order to move forward? If so, can you do that on your own or do you need help?
Here is a little illustration that helps get at what I'm talking about.
PUT THE GLASS DOWN!
The professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?"
"50gms! .....100gms .....125gms," the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, " but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
"Nothing," the students said.
"Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?" the professor asked.
"Your arm would begin to ache," said one of the students.
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure!" ventured another student and all the students laughed.
"Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" asked the professor.
"No," was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked the professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students.
"Exactly!" said the professor.
This is the way it is with grief and many other life problems. Hold on to them for a while and they seem OK. Hold on to them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold on even longer and they begin to paralyze you.
It is so important to work through the griefs, challenges and problems of life, or they will take over life, they will eat you up from the inside.
But when they are tackled, when they are resolved, then you have your full emotional being to handle any issue, any grief or any challenge that comes your way.
I want these comments to be helpful. Please let me know if we need to talk!
Grief is our sense of emptiness and our uncertainties about the future. Grief is our sense of being out of control and having to make sense of something so much bigger than we. Grief is our emotional response to emotional hurt.
The thing about grief is that it has to be worked through. Grief can't be stuffed and forgotten about. Grief can't be set aside and ignored. Grief must be worked through, fully completely, every time, or it will come back to haunt us.
You see, every time we have a new event in our lives that has the emotional response of grief, we are taken back through all the other grief events in our lives. And if, for whatever reason, we have not fully processed the grief an earlier event, or events, those griefs come back up. Not only do they come back up, the grief response is compounded. Unresolved grief compounds unresolved grief. This is the reason that someone may have what appears to be a quite exaggerated grief response to something that seems relatively minor -- or would have been relatively minor under other circumstances. This is the reason why one might be observed to have an wildly emotional response to a minor event. Sometimes, the emotional response might even be triggered by an event in the life of another person whose situation is similar to ours.
I know in my own life and ministry that I don't recoup from funerals as quickly as I once did. The grief work takes longer. It is sometimes deeper that what might seem reasonable. But it takes longer because each time I'm grieving not only the present situation but parts of all the other funerals I've ever officiated at, plus the other losses, changes and grief events I've ever experienced.
We must deal with our grief, or it keeps on nagging at us. We must clear our emotions and our bodies of the "toxic" stuff set off by grief (or personal hurts, emotional insults, deep rejections and the like, for that matter) or they will compound our emotional response to the next similar event in our lives.
So, "what can I do?", you might ask. Well, you can take a look at past events and ask if you've really processed them or grieved them. You can think about your last emotional response to an event that really had an effect on you. Was your response exaggerated given the nature of the event? If so, what other similar events, feelings and/or griefs come to mind? Were they fully processed? If not, can they be processed now, in light of this event/situation? Are there things one has to go back to, re-live, re-feel, re-grieve in order to move forward? If so, can you do that on your own or do you need help?
Here is a little illustration that helps get at what I'm talking about.
PUT THE GLASS DOWN!
The professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?"
"50gms! .....100gms .....125gms," the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, " but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
"Nothing," the students said.
"Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?" the professor asked.
"Your arm would begin to ache," said one of the students.
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure!" ventured another student and all the students laughed.
"Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" asked the professor.
"No," was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked the professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students.
"Exactly!" said the professor.
This is the way it is with grief and many other life problems. Hold on to them for a while and they seem OK. Hold on to them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold on even longer and they begin to paralyze you.
It is so important to work through the griefs, challenges and problems of life, or they will take over life, they will eat you up from the inside.
But when they are tackled, when they are resolved, then you have your full emotional being to handle any issue, any grief or any challenge that comes your way.
I want these comments to be helpful. Please let me know if we need to talk!
Monday, November 8, 2010
“Risk in the face of Fear!”
There were suggestions that I should post my sermon for All Saint's Sunday, November 7, 2010, here on this blog. So here it is....
A few days ago I asked a colleague if he’d figured out what’s to be going on in churches and our society, because I haven’t. I listed places I’ve seen anxiety present in my life and that of those close to me.
The perspective he brought was the perspective of fear. Taking things from bullying, to the political agendas, to international relations to church conflict. Taking things from the movement of the stock market and the winning or losing of a football team, there is a “hunkering down” and a lashing out that grows out of deep anxiety. The anxiety is fear.
This set me thinking. I took a look at some of my behaviors. What feeds my fears? Why gives me the feeling that I need to “hunker down” or take control or become defensive? The list got grew fairly quickly:
The stories of the evening local new gave me reason to fear: gun violence, new taxes and “fees”, and a new turn in the housing market.
The front page of the money section gave me reason to fear: who knows where this recession is going, people are out of work, businesses closing their doors, work is drying up and health insurance premiums are out of control.
The letters to the editor fed my fears: the republicans or the democrats and more about tax hikes, pet problems and big spending.
National news, the weather and a counseling session with a colleague gave me a few more reasons to become afraid.
Then I took another step and thought about some of the other “inputs” I get in my daily life. Sometimes I read espionage books. I know I can only read a couple in a row before I have to move to another genre – I get paranoid. The TV shows recorded on our “list” – NCIS, Chase and several like them. Hum... there’s some food for fear there. And then there are the ads like “Credit Scores.com”, every single political ad and the slough of spam e-mails and ads that eat away at my self-confidence and tell me “You’re not good enough.”
And then, though it is quite (I think) tongue in cheek, the “March to Keep Fear Alive” speaks volumes of truth about current fear and anxiety.
So, what does this have to do with “All Saints Sunday?”
What does this have to do with a day established in the 17th century by Pope Boniface IV on May 1 and later changed to November 1? Pope Urban IV once explained that the day was set aside to provide a time to honor and remember the saints who might have been overlooked during the year. There were so many martyrs that it was not possible for each to have his/her own day, so this day took care of all of them. This day is set aside to take care of us, saints, “... those belonging to the entire community of baptized Christians.” (Big Webster Dictionary)
What does it have to do with today? Well, I’d say just about everything. Because, you see, as you read down the blessings outlined in Jesus’ teaching, everything on that list – poverty (the economy), hunger (job security), death (health care), ridicule (I’m not good enough) – feed our fears. And most everything we think we long for, or will make us happy – riches, being filled, popularity and carefree living -- is in Jesus’ list of woes! It all seems backwards. Yet Jesus is pretty clear. And, in his clarity, is quite challenging.
Jesus’ kingdom prayer is that God’s reign works. Not that some achieve perfection or holiness and others don’t. We all go out of this world with the same blessing at our funeral – commended to God as “lambs of his own flock and sinner’s of his own redeeming.
Not that we need to pretend to be perfect. We aren’t, we never were and we never will be.
Not that we need to draw in, hunker down and just wait. Fear can paralyze us into thinking that we can ignore the world out there and that by not taking risks we can avoid pain and failure.
Now that we need to take more control of our emotions, spirit, calendars and checkbooks. Taking control means that I don’t have to be honest about my fears and gives excuses to not risk.
You see, Jesus’ economy works a whole lot different than all of that. Jesus said, “Have no fear little flock, for the father is pleased to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32)
This writer, Angie Klock, took the words right out of my mouth: “.... we are very aware of how easy it would be to allow fear to take a foothold in our hearts. Like every phase of treatment and every change we encounter in our lives, whether we plan them or not, there is always room for fear. But, that place is not where God is. ... Fear says, God I do not trust that what you have in store for me is good, even though You are good and loving. Fear says that I know what is best for me and it would be the path that I choose for myself. So how do we go forward without fear? How do we go forward rejoicing and not looking back over our shoulder for words like relapse or metastasis?”
In Jesus’ economy we look risk the Kingdom promise that Jesus is pleased to give. To take God literally (that’s the real mark of sainthood) and trust God’s pleasure to bless us even in the deepest times of trouble. To be everyday humans, ordinary sinners, who step forward in faith, who risk being confident in the face of fear, to struggle doggedly with bravery and truth. To take action – to be generous, to trust, to love to, to stand against injustice, etc. -- even against the odds of fear. You see, in the kingdom economy this is where God is and this is were we see the miracles of God’s holy reign in the lives of the likes of us.
I think I’ve told you before about Justin. Justin is a 6th grader, playing organized football. When asked by Bishop David what his favorite part was, he said, “I like the huddle. Calling the plays, being part of the team, being close to the guys, that’s what I like. But I have to say, I don’t much care for what happens after that.”
Sometimes that’s the way we approach our life of faith. We huddle up and enjoy the places where we feel safe and secure. We hunker down and block out our fears (the parts we don’t like about life). We find ways to not take the risks of the Kingdom promises of God.
Sainthood is to live life “out loud”. Live as an authentic saint, not moved and motivated by fear, but by faith, not a fan of Jesus but a follower. Not just in love with Jesus, but looking more and more like Jesus.
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7)
Let’s can the fear. Let’s risk living in the Kingdom promise, in the spirit of the power and promise we have as saints in His kingdom.
Amen.
A few days ago I asked a colleague if he’d figured out what’s to be going on in churches and our society, because I haven’t. I listed places I’ve seen anxiety present in my life and that of those close to me.
The perspective he brought was the perspective of fear. Taking things from bullying, to the political agendas, to international relations to church conflict. Taking things from the movement of the stock market and the winning or losing of a football team, there is a “hunkering down” and a lashing out that grows out of deep anxiety. The anxiety is fear.
This set me thinking. I took a look at some of my behaviors. What feeds my fears? Why gives me the feeling that I need to “hunker down” or take control or become defensive? The list got grew fairly quickly:
The stories of the evening local new gave me reason to fear: gun violence, new taxes and “fees”, and a new turn in the housing market.
The front page of the money section gave me reason to fear: who knows where this recession is going, people are out of work, businesses closing their doors, work is drying up and health insurance premiums are out of control.
The letters to the editor fed my fears: the republicans or the democrats and more about tax hikes, pet problems and big spending.
National news, the weather and a counseling session with a colleague gave me a few more reasons to become afraid.
Then I took another step and thought about some of the other “inputs” I get in my daily life. Sometimes I read espionage books. I know I can only read a couple in a row before I have to move to another genre – I get paranoid. The TV shows recorded on our “list” – NCIS, Chase and several like them. Hum... there’s some food for fear there. And then there are the ads like “Credit Scores.com”, every single political ad and the slough of spam e-mails and ads that eat away at my self-confidence and tell me “You’re not good enough.”
And then, though it is quite (I think) tongue in cheek, the “March to Keep Fear Alive” speaks volumes of truth about current fear and anxiety.
So, what does this have to do with “All Saints Sunday?”
What does this have to do with a day established in the 17th century by Pope Boniface IV on May 1 and later changed to November 1? Pope Urban IV once explained that the day was set aside to provide a time to honor and remember the saints who might have been overlooked during the year. There were so many martyrs that it was not possible for each to have his/her own day, so this day took care of all of them. This day is set aside to take care of us, saints, “... those belonging to the entire community of baptized Christians.” (Big Webster Dictionary)
What does it have to do with today? Well, I’d say just about everything. Because, you see, as you read down the blessings outlined in Jesus’ teaching, everything on that list – poverty (the economy), hunger (job security), death (health care), ridicule (I’m not good enough) – feed our fears. And most everything we think we long for, or will make us happy – riches, being filled, popularity and carefree living -- is in Jesus’ list of woes! It all seems backwards. Yet Jesus is pretty clear. And, in his clarity, is quite challenging.
Jesus’ kingdom prayer is that God’s reign works. Not that some achieve perfection or holiness and others don’t. We all go out of this world with the same blessing at our funeral – commended to God as “lambs of his own flock and sinner’s of his own redeeming.
Not that we need to pretend to be perfect. We aren’t, we never were and we never will be.
Not that we need to draw in, hunker down and just wait. Fear can paralyze us into thinking that we can ignore the world out there and that by not taking risks we can avoid pain and failure.
Now that we need to take more control of our emotions, spirit, calendars and checkbooks. Taking control means that I don’t have to be honest about my fears and gives excuses to not risk.
You see, Jesus’ economy works a whole lot different than all of that. Jesus said, “Have no fear little flock, for the father is pleased to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32)
This writer, Angie Klock, took the words right out of my mouth: “.... we are very aware of how easy it would be to allow fear to take a foothold in our hearts. Like every phase of treatment and every change we encounter in our lives, whether we plan them or not, there is always room for fear. But, that place is not where God is. ... Fear says, God I do not trust that what you have in store for me is good, even though You are good and loving. Fear says that I know what is best for me and it would be the path that I choose for myself. So how do we go forward without fear? How do we go forward rejoicing and not looking back over our shoulder for words like relapse or metastasis?”
In Jesus’ economy we look risk the Kingdom promise that Jesus is pleased to give. To take God literally (that’s the real mark of sainthood) and trust God’s pleasure to bless us even in the deepest times of trouble. To be everyday humans, ordinary sinners, who step forward in faith, who risk being confident in the face of fear, to struggle doggedly with bravery and truth. To take action – to be generous, to trust, to love to, to stand against injustice, etc. -- even against the odds of fear. You see, in the kingdom economy this is where God is and this is were we see the miracles of God’s holy reign in the lives of the likes of us.
I think I’ve told you before about Justin. Justin is a 6th grader, playing organized football. When asked by Bishop David what his favorite part was, he said, “I like the huddle. Calling the plays, being part of the team, being close to the guys, that’s what I like. But I have to say, I don’t much care for what happens after that.”
Sometimes that’s the way we approach our life of faith. We huddle up and enjoy the places where we feel safe and secure. We hunker down and block out our fears (the parts we don’t like about life). We find ways to not take the risks of the Kingdom promises of God.
Sainthood is to live life “out loud”. Live as an authentic saint, not moved and motivated by fear, but by faith, not a fan of Jesus but a follower. Not just in love with Jesus, but looking more and more like Jesus.
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7)
Let’s can the fear. Let’s risk living in the Kingdom promise, in the spirit of the power and promise we have as saints in His kingdom.
Amen.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Encouragement: Have it, Do it, Be it!
The other day I heard one person tell another "You have the gift of encouragement." It was a high compliment to a person who is able to offer the right words that become affirmation and encouragement for another person on life's journey.
Indeed, encouragement is a gift. It is listed among some of the spiritual gifts given to God's people.
On the other hand, encouragement is one of the "natural laws" which governs relationships and our well being, just as there are other "natural laws" that govern our world. These laws are predictable and reliable. It is one of the gifts that we need to both give and receive. We need to bask in it's luxury while also being quick and generous in giving it away.
Here are some thoughts that might help make encouragement a more natural part of who you are and what you are.
HAVE IT:
One of the "natural laws" is that you cannot give away what you don't already have. Encouragement is one of those factors. One has to start with having it. And having it has to do with a decision to look at the encouraging side of living. It is to let those who want to be negative and pessimistic make their own choices. But the encourager can be one who uses the words "Yes, but..." in positive ways to not stop with what's wrong with life, but to look past the darkness to call attention to the light. It is sort of like seeing dark clouds in the sky and being able to look past them to see the beauty of the sun on the cloud tops, or the wonder of the lightening in the clouds or even the miracle of rain and wind. One can start by filling one's own spirit with a positive outlook. With a positive outlook, one can start to give away what one has built in one's own life.
DO IT:
Resolutions are so easy and quickly broken. Just think about New Year's past. This time the start doesn't have to be a false start or a failed resolution. Encouragement isn't limited. There isn't just so much to go around. It is not the kind of thing that needs to be hoarded. There is enough to go around, and always more where the first batch came from. In fact, encouragement is almost like a breeder reactor. The more encouragement is used, the more it creates. It comes back in far greater measure than how it was given away. Encourage another person and they've been given fuel for living. Pat them on the back and a friendship has been created. Keep urging another person to greater success and one's own sphere of influence has been extended. By being an encourager, one becomes party to the growth and expansion of the life of another person.
BE IT:
You know, it doesn't take long in looking back on life for one to pick out a number of people who had positive influences on the path of life. It might have been a parent, a teacher, a mentor, a uncle or aunt or even a pastor. It was the person who said just the right words at just the right time which made all the difference in a decision that turned out to be life changing. Picturing that person, decide to be that kind of person. Put on encouragement like a top coat. Get all wrapped up in it. Don't think of leaving home without it. Never start a new day without thinking of one other person to encourage. And then be the encouragement you want to be.
Life does matter. Each of our lives counts. They count for much more than we really ever know. Each of us, by sharing the gift of encouragement, can change lives, influence negative forces and make a difference even into the lives of people we may never have a chance to meet.
You are blessed. You are claimed by God. You are gifted with life. And all is good!
T.O.M.
Indeed, encouragement is a gift. It is listed among some of the spiritual gifts given to God's people.
On the other hand, encouragement is one of the "natural laws" which governs relationships and our well being, just as there are other "natural laws" that govern our world. These laws are predictable and reliable. It is one of the gifts that we need to both give and receive. We need to bask in it's luxury while also being quick and generous in giving it away.
Here are some thoughts that might help make encouragement a more natural part of who you are and what you are.
HAVE IT:
One of the "natural laws" is that you cannot give away what you don't already have. Encouragement is one of those factors. One has to start with having it. And having it has to do with a decision to look at the encouraging side of living. It is to let those who want to be negative and pessimistic make their own choices. But the encourager can be one who uses the words "Yes, but..." in positive ways to not stop with what's wrong with life, but to look past the darkness to call attention to the light. It is sort of like seeing dark clouds in the sky and being able to look past them to see the beauty of the sun on the cloud tops, or the wonder of the lightening in the clouds or even the miracle of rain and wind. One can start by filling one's own spirit with a positive outlook. With a positive outlook, one can start to give away what one has built in one's own life.
DO IT:
Resolutions are so easy and quickly broken. Just think about New Year's past. This time the start doesn't have to be a false start or a failed resolution. Encouragement isn't limited. There isn't just so much to go around. It is not the kind of thing that needs to be hoarded. There is enough to go around, and always more where the first batch came from. In fact, encouragement is almost like a breeder reactor. The more encouragement is used, the more it creates. It comes back in far greater measure than how it was given away. Encourage another person and they've been given fuel for living. Pat them on the back and a friendship has been created. Keep urging another person to greater success and one's own sphere of influence has been extended. By being an encourager, one becomes party to the growth and expansion of the life of another person.
BE IT:
You know, it doesn't take long in looking back on life for one to pick out a number of people who had positive influences on the path of life. It might have been a parent, a teacher, a mentor, a uncle or aunt or even a pastor. It was the person who said just the right words at just the right time which made all the difference in a decision that turned out to be life changing. Picturing that person, decide to be that kind of person. Put on encouragement like a top coat. Get all wrapped up in it. Don't think of leaving home without it. Never start a new day without thinking of one other person to encourage. And then be the encouragement you want to be.
Life does matter. Each of our lives counts. They count for much more than we really ever know. Each of us, by sharing the gift of encouragement, can change lives, influence negative forces and make a difference even into the lives of people we may never have a chance to meet.
You are blessed. You are claimed by God. You are gifted with life. And all is good!
T.O.M.
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